/Ho Ho Humbug/

12-22-05

This semester was a wash, probably the most embarrasing school period of my life. I managed to only pass 2/5 of my classes (Rough estimate) and its due to several factors. One is that I am lazy, but thats never been a huge secret. Another was that my job has been very demanding, I would often be forced to skip classes or stay up late to accomodate my boss to ensure smooth operation of the facility, but in the event of the School debacle I informed all of those fuckers at the staff meeting that if they thought they were going to do that next semester that I would drop them like a bad habbit and leave them to rot.

The final and most important reason I have been failing, is the fault of a woman. Not the woman's fault persay, but worrying about it, and the impact on my life, has drained me considerably. I actually went through something similar to this in my freshman year, and it cost me an Algebra class. I just can't focus with a lady on my mind, at least not when its going poorly as I fight the good fight.

I don't know if she reads this blog, but I would doubt it. My immensely dificult year culminated with her doing something. It's something I think was very stupid of her, something she was clearly to smart to do, and the only reason it happened at all is because of me, and the fact that it is my fault hurts me deeply. I've spent my life trying to be fair to people. I certainly dont act that way sometimes but I can look back on my life and say that I have consistently given people the benefit of a doubt, and every time they have acted on their own selfish needs and defended it by saying it was their choice, well I ask then, when I want something for myself, why is it that I'm being selfish, when did everyone else start to matter so much more than I do. Truly why is it that everyone else is to afraid to give me a chance, do I disgust you so? or do you see something that you fear there?

I'm not sure how much else I can say about it, its maddening at best. Christmas is only a few days away, when did it happen that the best holiday of the year became the worst for me. Is my holiday going to be hollow again this year. I can only hope that an old friend of mine is coming down for a visit, we have a lot to talk about.

/Communications Breakdown/

12-17-05

For starters, I'm not going to fight with Album software/freeware anymore and I'm just going to start hosting my pics on Flickr or Photobucket, there's also going to be an archive page put up in the VERY near future or else the V-scroll is going to be a bitch for everyone to load all of the back log posts very soon. Gonna start dating posts and going to drop the current tag board since it is most definitely dead.

My life also has insane twists and turns rife with Daring-do, but I'm about ready to head off for work so I'll make a more indepth post on that subject in the AM.

Here in the A.M.

Now for more cheerful news damnit.

I don't really have any, but I will say that I'm feeling a little zen right now, Some of the unshoulderable weight has lifted from my shoulders and I now intend to get on with things. Icarus, actually, has been horribly neglected, I am far enough along however to send a partially written draft to my sister (see also cheap as hell editor) for perusal, I hope when I get it to her she shall find it to her liking. FFXI has made so/so progress, but is likely going to slow down because I need to spend nights actually working HARD if I want to pass spanish and I can assure you, I do. Tyler hasnt emailed me in a bit, which is sad because she's only one of two people who actually do. She tends to forget everything though, I'm sure I'll get an email in a week asking why I havent written, only so I can remind her I already did.

The next time I post I intend to have the gallery page up so I can post some pictures I have lying around, and Kirsten, I'm keeping my eye out for the Gila monster(s), I scorn the day he came right up to the window when I forgot the camera. -_-

Why are you only open so late at night?

I get calls like that every day, at least three of them and they annoy me to no end. I'd be that much happier if they finished their dinners at 4pm and went to bed like all the rest of their ilk instead of driving out to "Visit" me while I work and complain about our hours whilst I'm trying to do something, and by the way, thanks for bringing your 41 granchildren you bastards, I do so love babysitting while you leaf through some pamphlet while they run like hellions through our gift shop.

Enough work ranting, I'll have enough of that later.

My dragoon is still 44, and I dont have any of the summerfest gear because doing it with my brother pissed me off bad enough to turn off my machine (Link knows my pain, I was over long enough to see him pounding his head into his keyboard with the same frustration. In honor of our suffering, I present you with an animated gif that perfectly illustrates how I get all of my parties. P.S. Nobody uses the tag board, I'm thinking of starting a new feature and calling it, "Tagboard Theatre".

Pirate Ken-Ken, the most dangerous pirate of them all

In FFXI news that BCNM dragon for the NPC quest the people were lamenting over met my dragoon last night. I won't bore you with details but Dregon who was watching the fight said, "JEEBUS ATHOS!" and I mean that in a good way, I decimated his health in two jumps, and my lance made short work of him. I had hoped to get 45 last night so I could wear my brigandine, but it didnt quite work out that way since I spent most of the night getting my computer to work again after encrypting my wireless network (The fucker next door has been using me to play starcraft, I think not.) Anyways I ramble too much this early in the morning its time to get ready for work.

Magus: Senőr asshole

Today sucked, somewhat fiercely. My week seems to be spiraling generally downwards, despite this wednesday having turned out nicely. It's days like this that I eternally lament not being rich, so that I could get the fuck out of this hole I live in and have a good nights rest with out being completely stressed over either what went on that day or what I'll have to do tommorow. People who know me know that I dont deal with stress very well. Instead of working hard to fix problems I'll anguish over them to a point where a spend all my time trying to relax and not be worried over it, which results in it not getting done anyway, I can't begin to express the problems this causes in my life. Tommorow I would like nothing more than to get out of my house and spend the day somewhere else, even if it means getting some of the fabled "Work" done. Unfortunately I have to open at my day job and that plain ruins my day as I'm basically stuck waiting to go to work, and then coming home, again. I'll tell you this though, if my paycheck isnt in tommorow there will be hell to pay. Theres one obnoxious bitch who does the payroll and if she couldnt be "bothered" to pick up my time sheet (Which is woefully underfilled because I actually have to hide it when I fill out my hours from my co-workers.) then I swear to god, that place is going to regret the day they met me. I'm entirely to kind with people im unfamilliar with, dont let society fool you, chivalry is a useless dimplomacy that earns you more hardship. The next time Paul looks down on something I do, I'm going to let that pompous old bastard know exactly what I think. Also, if he ever ditches me to do his work on a week when hes scheduled again I'll be sure to inform our guests that the manager is unable to attend them because he thinks hes better than them, and leave them a supervisors number where the can complain. Also, back to the fact that they dont pay me enough goddamn money; I'm going to go trolling for some freelance work again. I saw an article where a british magazine was looking for research writers at decent pay. I'm not a pro at the industry but I guarantee I can research better than most of the gereatric freelancers whose greatest source of information is the public library and CNN/BBC. Alas, now I must sleep and wake up to a new nightmare tommorow, god willing, I will see some rain tommorow, you have no idea how a thunderstorm would brighten my whole day.

Here Comes a New Challenger

Gotta work if you want to game

The rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.

Farewell and goodnight last one up turn out the lights

I'm going to miss a lot of people from GL too, Rockprime and Mizar I haven't spoken with in months, probably even longer for Nebula. I'll miss Little Elf; it was great showing her some of the cool sites I'd dig up on the Internet from time to time. I wont miss Dan, unfortunately that boat sailed. Having been the antithesis of what GL has needed for some time now he tossed our friendship aside to be Locke's buddy. If you want to hang with those assholes have at it. I doubt I'll lose track of BT, quite the opposite as I hope to encourage him to write more to my Gmail account and I'll hopefully catch him on AIM more often too. BillH and I haven't been on great terms since the FFXI fallout, but I'm hardly going to drag that baggage around, especially for a guy that was always willing to sit in a raining swamp with me for 3+ hours to get a sword I could have easily bought anyway, Write me at BWProphet@gmail.com buddy. GL has done a lot for me, it's helped jump-start what I hope is a long and successful writing career, it's already helped me to obtain work before.

This blog probably wont be hosted here long, hopefully I can convince someone to host it for me in the future.
Later GL.

I <3 Wagon Christ

New job, different set of problems

Money

It certainly seems that way with friends wwho spend as lavishly as mine, and it sucks to play the poor man on evenings out, especially when I have to beg Link for money. The new job seems cushy enough. I'm a webmaster and computer tech when they need me to (Random hours, that) and on weekends I'm a sort of manager for an Observatory/Museum thats the visitor's center for the Mount Graham International Observatory. That and 6.50 an hour sounds pretty cool, especially the .50 raise I get in 6 months, but what it amounts to is a huge pile of tedium. The two worst types of jobs to have in the world is 1. A strenuous job with shitty co-workers and 2. A boring job. Last time I worked for about 6 hours and accomplished nothing except fucking up my back by sitting straight for that long (Also of note, the man who is my boss sucks out loud, but I'm used to dealing with him). Next week I plan on working on a project for them while I'm there, that way they think I'm worth the money (Not that I think they'd fire me anyway) or if that fails, I've still got some Heinlein to read, and it wouldn't hurt to takle some McKiernan in there either.

That burns unto a distant horizon

My first born son will be named Cloud Strife Showers

Square Enix actually did something right for once. I just got done watching the E3 2k5 trailer for Advent Children, I dont care if they fuck it up at this point, I'll just play the movie on mute with my MP3 player blaring that badass One Winged Angel rock remix at the peak volume setting and be as happy as can be. They also showcased what looks like a planned sequel to FFXI with gorgeous graphics using not the PS3, but the Xbox 360. I honestly dont know how I'm going to afford 2005-2006. Also, there appears to be a tech demo featuring FF7, remake anyone?

First post for teh win